August 1990

Mom and I played ping-pong. It was hilarious!

Mom and I drove up to Novato today. In the car I read and listened to music. Mom talked about Anjel. I'm glad she did. When we arrived Jackie and Mom-Suzie greeted us at the door. It was so nice. Then Jackie went to the airport to pick up her Greek friend who's visiting from Chicago.

Jackie, her friend Evely, and I went to San Francisco. In Chinatown we saw live frogs that were for sale to be eaten. We laughed so much and took so many pictures.

Today we went to Sausalito. Walked around and took pictures. Europeans, rich Persians, houses on hills, restaurants, expensive shops. I had a dish of octopus, shrimp, and squid. Then some really strong cappuccino. We had a great time!

We were on the road again today and off to Tiburon. Jackie drove up a hill from where we could see the entire bay and Golden Gate Bridge. It was beautiful. Almost every other car in Marin is a BMW, a Porch, or some other rich car! We walked along the water and found a small French restaurant where we ordered escargot, and laughed. Ate duck, and laughed. Drank coffee, and laughed. Had strawberries and cream, and laughed. We laughed the whole time. The restaurant was empty but we still managed to make fools of ourselves. We felt like we were in Europe.

Today we drove for hours to get to Carmel. We saw farms, mountains, bridges, small towns, and many other cool things. In Carmel we ate and walked around. Got on the 17 Mile Drive, which was beautiful. We saw mansions, deer. The road took us to the ocean where we saw seals. It was a great day. It's been a great week!

I've decided to move out here, go to college here. Today we stayed in and relaxed.

Went to Stinson beach today. To get there we had to go up and up a mountain, then down and down. We lay out. Met people. An older attractive man invited us to play Frisbee with him. He ended up giving his number to Jackie, but she says there's no way on earth she's calling. We laughed. I went into the water where the waves pushed and pulled me.

Spent the day tanning. Jackie and Evely went out and I stayed in and did some reading and writing. Mom-Suzie hosed down the garden. Then a bunch of relatives came over and we ate in the backyard. It was like Iran. Later I got upset because I caught Evely whispering something to Jackie about me. I hate people. I'm just a fag!

Today is my seventeenth birthday! Evely went back to Chicago this morning and I didn't get to say goodbye to her because I was mad about last night. Later, Jackie told me that Evely had whispered because she was saying something about my birthday present. I felt so bad. At the end of the day Jackie and I got a chance to be alone and talk about life and being a teenager, growing up, and that kind of stuff. I'd been waiting for us to have that kind of talk.

The day started with the realization that I had lost my plane ticket back to Chicago. That caused some upsetting arguments between us. We checked garbage cans, closets, drawers, under beds, rugs, shelves. Mom-Suzie and Jackie argued about something and Jackie went into the yard to cry. Mom comforted her. It was good to see them like sisters. The difference in their age is so great that sometimes even I forget that mom and Jackie are actually sisters. Jackie went for a long drive by herself and mom and Mom-Suzie took a hammer and a screwdriver to some shelves in the back room. And there it was, the ticket, lodged behind the bookcase. I called Melisa to ask her to pick me up from the airport and she said, "Tell me you love me!" She's so cute.

Called Beluse in Turlock to say goodbye. That was uncomfortable. I hated it. Relatives called to say farewell. That was nice. Jackie and I lay in her bed and talked about college and I realized that I have to do well in school this year.

We listened to Persian music and when it came time to say goodbye mom said she didn't want to go to the airport with Jackie and me. I told her not to be upset, and to just pretend that I was going away to school. That didn't help. She cried. I was sad and excited at once about going back to Chicago. Hugged Jackie goodbye and thanked her. Bell and Ray picked me up from the airport because Melisa wasn't able to. Went home, hugged dad, went to Reza's. Drank and smoked. Came home to find a note from Melisa on the back door welcoming me back. That cheered me up.

Lisa and I went to Ed's and watched "Bi-cyclers", which of course was a porno. Ed and I went into his room and talked. Then I gave him a…

In my lifetime I've had sex with Diane, Bob, Nicole, and Ed. In that order. Damon said that Ed told him he used to let his dog lick his balls. Isn't that inhumane, or something?!

Dad and I got into a fight about me going out too much and I burned my driver's license on the stove! I guess I wanted to show him…

Dad woke me up early to talk to me about our fight last night. He said he couldn't work because of it. He asked what bothers me about him. I wanted to sock him. What a stupid question. I didn't answer him. I couldn't. He told me to go get a new license, but I refuse. I burned my original because I wanted to make a point. Damon picked Maggie and me up and we decided to go to the zoo. On the way there Damon decided to flirt with a man driving a red convertible. The stranger followed us to the zoo parking lot. He was gay and ugly, clean-cut and rich looking, and claimed to know Damon from a drunken night at the lakefront where gay men pick each other up. The man said that Damon had given him his number that night at the lake. Damon was now blushing. Maggie and I were trying hard not to laugh. The man asked if he could call Damon some time and Damon didn't seem to know what to say. That's when I jumped in. 'Sorry, but he's with me now and I wouldn't like that.'

At the zoo I was annoyed with Damon because he was so queeny. Maggie seemed surprisingly all right with it. After the zoo I called Melisa from a payphone and told her I wanted her, to be with her. Damon drove me to Melisa's house after dropping Maggie off. He came up. We sat around watching T.V. Stupid me, I started making out with Damon. He was quite wild. It felt so good the way he kissed and licked my neck. I saw "it". It's beautiful. Big. After Damon left Melisa and I drove around a while. We parked and sat outside in the dark. A beautiful night. Melisa said she was horny. She asked that I kiss her neck like Damon had kissed mine. We ended up back in my car with the radio on, laughing at ourselves because it was so strange. She played with my penis, sat on it, and we had sex. Afterward, we drove around some more. I felt great. Wanted to yell. Could I be straight?