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Introduction
Although
I am Assyrian, queer, and a recovering alcoholic/addict I suspect that my experience
remains universal because I am first and foremost human. There is in our differences
an undeniable sameness. I have found this fact inescapable as I have struggled
long and hard to find any excuse not to form lasting relationships with any one
person or place, in turn being accountable for my own actions and mistakes, as
well as my successes. But no matter how diligently I search for the nuances that
may separate us, making it easier for me to walk away from any given person, place,
or circumstance with a certain air of relief and superiority, I inevitably end
up becoming caught in the elastic thread that streams through the very center
of every human being's life- no matter how visibly different that life may seem
from my own. I'm tempted here to give this thread a name, a color, a single reassuring
quality, say: our need for approval and acceptance, love, food, money, happiness,
sex, air, God. But it is not within my power to measure this illimitable thread
that may reverberate with as many possibilities as there are individuals on the
planet.
On Wednesday August 30, 1989 one more struggling gay youth began
keeping a diary in order to derive some sense from the haphazard events and conditions
within and without his life which made him feel oftentimes… well, human! But why
post such a personal and copious account of one's private history, within which
personal details of others' lives may be inadvertently revealed, so openly and
freely, almost recklessly on the Internet? I'm strongly tempted to offer some
brilliant explanation, a single profound reason, a thousand vertiginous alibis
to excuse myself and placate others, but nothing of the sort exists.
I only know one thing. This website would not be possible without the emotional
and technical support of Dave W. whose sense of humor and practical approach to
all things constantly remind me not to take myself so damn seriously! Thanks for
reading.
Emil Keliane
Chicago
July 2004
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